2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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