I just pynch a tree in the face
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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