Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
