3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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