Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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