he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize