I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
