She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my shit smells like andre
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Operation Purity has been aborted
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
