watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you never un-have a 4some
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
