Plan B is the new Plan A
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
