There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
