I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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