can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
