Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
