I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
