Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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