you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
