you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
