Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
