OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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