I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
