would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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