Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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