im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
