Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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