did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
