oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
