whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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