we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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