Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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