I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we're making bets on your personal life
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
