He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
