Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
