I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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