Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
