I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
