I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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