Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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