Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize