getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
