Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
