Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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