If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
