Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drunk is not a location!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
