just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
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Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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