I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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