I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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