i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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