it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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