I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
