So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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