Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
