anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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