road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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