Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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