it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
