You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
