U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize