I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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