please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
