Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
