I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
