Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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