You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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