i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i love accidental penises.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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