new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
babies were throwing up all over the place
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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