I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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