so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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