he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize