He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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