my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
