The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
