you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
