there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
