There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
