I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
