Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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