I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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