I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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