no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
