nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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