you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
