My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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